tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
