She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
