It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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