I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
