why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
