I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
