dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
