Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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