It's Friday. Sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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