What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
