Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
