ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
