We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
