Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
