I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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