So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
