i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
