in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
