I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
