I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
