There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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