I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize