Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
