did you get engaged???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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