you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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