the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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