I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
foreskin is a definite game changer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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