Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
