does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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