What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
