In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's never too late to be topless.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
