im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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