Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
