go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
