In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
