He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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