The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
