who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
