I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
