I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize