Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
