I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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