Do you still have your period?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize