im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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