3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
