Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
