mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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