Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
