um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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