i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
