How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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