I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize