At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
