My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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