in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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