its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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