I just saw a hot homeless man
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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