I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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