The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
