Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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