whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize