I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
