PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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