god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
