that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love you. Go after that dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize