so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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