After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
