i think my tv is drunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
