ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
