i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
