I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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