i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize