Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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