i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
