It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize