I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
