Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She tied me up with her honor cords...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
