My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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