i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
