I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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