There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
