we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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