So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
