some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
