Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
