none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
