If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
